Today I turn 55 and I have dreaded this birthday more than I have any other!
However, now that it is here it is really not a big deal.
The world didn’t end, my body didn’t fall totally apart. The number itself is just that a number and it sure as hell beats the alternative – dead. So I have had a great day so far, by going for a 3.5 mile hike over at Messalonskee Stream Trail, with Mary and Bennie. Relaxing around the house and writing this post.
I have also been humbled by the number of happy birthday wishes from everyone today.
Someone asked me – What are the biggest things that have I learned in the last 55 years?
1. Don’t dwell on the past
You can’t change a damn thing you have done in your life. Which means we all have a choice to look back and:
- fondly recall the memories
- learn from our mistakes
- or be totally miserable about things that are over and done and can’t be changed
I have many great memories that I want to recall (one of the reasons why we take so many pictures), to help jog my memory about the good and bad times.
Unfortunately, because I am human I have made a lot of mistakes in my life, done things I am not all that proud of and hurt people as a result of things I have said or done, but I have learned from those mistakes and don’t plan to repeat them.
The one thing I cannot and will not do is live in the past, it is over and can not be changed, so I have to move on and be the best person I can be today. That means letting go of those mistakes I have made, looking forward to living the best that I can, but mostly enjoying the moment I am in as much as I can.
2. Be Happy
This was the toughest thing for me to learn, is to be happy.
There is always that little voice inside of us, saying all the negative stuff and critical things that it knows about our self and there are far too many people who are so unhappy with their lives, that it seems their goal in life is to make others unhappy.
When you learn to have more self-confidence and that you don’t need negative people around you, suddenly things don’t always seem so difficult.
When we are younger, we all have these dreams of who we want to be and what we want to do. You remember, how we were going to change the world for it to be a better place! The idealism of our youth.
Often in the reality of our lives, we don’t achieve those dreams and we look upon our life as a failure, just because we didn’t achieve those dreams or change the world.
Sorry that to me is a bunch of bullshit.
Okay, I didn’t become an astronaut, professional basketball player, become obscenely wealthy, invent the next great whatever or earn an Olympic Medal in a running event – does this mean my life was a failure?
Of course not!
I have a modest, but fulfilling life doing things today, that I could only have dreamed of not so long ago, but it is much different than I would have thought it would be 10, 20, or 30 years ago.
It does mean that I have accepted a more realistic version of how my life has turned out, based on the choices I have made and have become happy with who I am now.
I may not be able to change the world, but I can work on a little piece of it and make a small difference to that piece.
3. Be Healthy
After several years of yo-yo weight gain/loss, inconsistently consistent workouts, stressful jobs that took a piece of my heart and soul to perform at the level I expect of myself, all exacted a pretty terrible toll on my health that culminated in last year’s very unhealthy version of me.
Weighing around 200 pounds last summer and all the assorted ailments that come along with being obese, made me decide to take charge of my own health.
This was something that I needed to do – instead of relying on others to suggest, recommend or “order” what I needed to do, what pills to take or how they expected me to look/feel/be, in order to be their version of healthy.
Once that decision was made it was a lot easier to decide to make healthier choices:
- You are what you eat – can’t say it any other way
- Getting my ass off the couch and get moving more – a lot more
- Who I want to be a part of my life – get rid of the negativity
- Live more simply – decided what do I really need to be happy and healthy in today’s world
As a result of my conscious decisions to make lifestyle changes, my physical and mental health are now better at 55 than they have ever been in my life and that to me is a major part of being happy.
The reality is that
I have learned after 55 years on this planet that there are no secrets or shortcuts to living a happy and healthy life. The truth is that it does take time, effort and knowing that you are responsible for your life, happiness and perspective – no one else, just that person looking back at you in the mirror.
Responsibility and Choices
Living is all about making choices in life and then taking responsibility for the choices we have made.
After all, my life – is my life, not someone else’s and I make the decisions about my life, based on the choices I have available to me, to do or not do things in my life, no one else.
Thankful
I am thankful that I have a fantastic family, friends and opportunities to improve myself professionally. I am comfortable with who I have become and don’t rely upon the opinions of others to validate who I am.
Yes I have a good life and thank you everyone who has been a part of it to this point.
It took a long time to get to this point – 55 years as a matter of fact 
.
11 comments
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Marcia Kripke Berkall
August 6, 2012 at 2:44 pm (UTC -4) Link to this comment
Happy Birthday! A nice walk in he woods sounds like a nice way to celebrate. You are right…age is just a number. LOL I just got my medicare card in today
Enjoy your day!
s mail…I’ll be 65 in November and you can believe I’m going to celebrate!
Harold L. Shaw
August 6, 2012 at 10:46 pm (UTC -4) Link to this comment
Thank you, you have to celebrate, it is much better than the alternative and besides being able to laugh and have fun is part of living
P Mark
August 6, 2012 at 4:45 pm (UTC -4) Link to this comment
Happy Birthday!!
Harold L. Shaw
August 6, 2012 at 10:44 pm (UTC -4) Link to this comment
Thank you Mark
Elle
August 6, 2012 at 11:40 pm (UTC -4) Link to this comment
Happy Birthday, Harold. You have such a refreshing way of looking at things!
Harold L. Shaw
August 6, 2012 at 11:45 pm (UTC -4) Link to this comment
Elle – thank you
MCM Mama (@mcmmama)
August 6, 2012 at 11:58 pm (UTC -4) Link to this comment
Happy birthday! I swear that the older I get the more comfortable I am in my own skin. Sounds like you are the same way. Hope you had an awesome day!
Harold L. Shaw
August 7, 2012 at 7:53 am (UTC -4) Link to this comment
I did! I took the day off from running, got Pete Larson’s new book and figured out why my hammies are screaming at me, so it was a great day
kate
August 8, 2012 at 12:00 pm (UTC -4) Link to this comment
There are a few things you have said to me over the years that really have stuck with me. One of them being when I was around 11 or 12 and you told me “If you don’t like who you are, you are the only person who can change it.” I have repeated that to myself whenever I feel dissatisfied.
You also gave me a business card when I was 12, right before I moved to MN. Printed on it was a rose with quote about fear. I kept that card for years, tucked inside my favorite book. Do you happen to remember that quote by chance? I lost them both after I moved out of mom’s house. It went something to the extent of “Do not fear. Fear is a mindkiller, it brings indecision, sadness…etc…” ??
Getting to my point, Good post
(I know there was somewhere else I was going with this, but I got distracted by one kid or another and didn’t quite remember where this was headed, just pretend like it made sense)
Harold L. Shaw
August 8, 2012 at 1:09 pm (UTC -4) Link to this comment
I still believe that and every so often wander off the path, but then come to my senses
I know which saying you are talking about, I took this from Frank Herbert’s Dune classic
Bene Gesserit Litany Against Fear.
Then I changed it around to meet the needs of a mixed up guy going through a really tough time. I will look around to see if I have anymore of the rose cards and if I find one will send it to you.
kate
August 8, 2012 at 6:49 pm (UTC -4) Link to this comment
Thanks that would mean a lot to me